Am I supposed to be a Mommy?
Do you ever question if you were supposed to be a mom ~ that perhaps you only became one because of a mistake or accident? I’m asking honestly, not just when you’re upset or angry at your kids and wonder why you ever gave them life to begin with…but overall. Do you think you’re not good enough to be a mommy? To be THEIR mommy? I used to question it when my older two kids were younger. I made so many mistakes at “mommyhood” that I thought they would be better off with another mother. (They probably thought that at times too! LOL) I just didn’t feel worthy enough to be a mom. But one day God opened my eyes and spoke truth into my life. He said, “I could have given them to anyone else on the planet…. but I chose YOU.” I sat there and cried. For the first time, I realized that not only was I good enough, but I was exactly what they needed. I can not tell you the joy I felt as that weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Yes, I made mistakes and I would make several more before they left the nest. But you know what? I loved them unlike anyone else could. I didn’t have to “prove” to the world around me that I was a good mother (aren’t we all guilty of that?), I felt it in my soul. So, if you are questioning your role as a mother, as THEIR mother…stop! You are the only one who has the exact DNA to mold them into what God wants them to be. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, or moms you see on TV. You were chosen specifically by God to be their mommy. The question you NEED to be asking is “Am I parenting the way God needs me to?” Don’t worry about “training” your children in way to make yourself look good ~ minding their p’s and q’s in public, using “yes ma’am”, etc… While those things are important, I want to challenge you to sit back and really watch your kids (individually) to see how they are “naturally bent” and work on training those areas.
For example, I met with a friend today for lunch and she was telling me that out of her three girls, one of them was completely the opposite of her and she didn’t know how to handle it. Her daughter was somewhat aggressive and had a quick temper, while she was more controlled. I told her that God has given her daughter those characteristics for a reason and the best thing she could do was to show her daughter how to accept, embrace and control her emotions, rather than question them or try to get rid of them. She will be far better off if she is equipped to know what situations are appropriate to express herself freely, and which are not. Then instead of feeling like “she” is the problem, she’ll understand its how she expresses herself that needs to be controlled. Her “natural bent” is aggressiveness (a proven leadership quality when controlled), and would be best utilized in an athletic activity that allows her an outlet for those emotions. Asking this child to sit still for long periods of time, or focus on a piano recital is just asking for trouble.
Another friend of mine was furious when she found her then 3-year-old in his room with a torn bean bag and beans all over the place, including himself. He had wandered into the kitchen (while she was occupied with the dishes) and got the tub of butter out of the refrigerator and proceeded to cover his entire body with it. He then took the bean bag and emptied its contents onto his body. As you can imagine, it was a huge mess, but he was so proud of his accomplishment, declaring “look mommy! I’m a superhero!” That is until she started screaming and yelling at him, mostly because she was mad that she had to clean up another mess. I asked her to step back and reevaluate the situation again, but this time from his perspective. That moment of pride and accomplishment was completely shattered. In her anger, she had shown him that she cared more about the mess than all of the time and effort he had put into his “work.” Then I asked her what other 3-year-old would be smart enough to know that he needed butter on his body in order to get the beans to stick to it? He was an exceptionally bright child, who was “naturally bent” on the creative side. I suggested offering him a small table in the kitchen with craft items so he can be “creating” while she was cleaning. A mess can be cleaned up, but a spirit that is squelched will need therapy. I have learned to ask myself “will this truly matter in 30 years?” If it won’t matter in 30 years (the mess in his room), I don’t waste my time. If it will matter in 30 years (my child’s spirit), I spend a lot of time. If I was in the same situation, the first thing I would’ve done was grabbed my camera to capture the moment. Then I would have praised his “work” and we would have cleaned up the mess together, talking about how creative and smart he was. He would have gone to sleep with a smile on his face, rather than a tear on his cheek.
You have to understand that kids need to express themselves the way they are “naturally bent.” A born leader isn’t going to express himself the same way a future artist is and you as their mommy need to allow them the freedom to do that. Ask God to show you how you need to parent each of your children, because each one will be unique, and then love them through the journey. Remind them that God has a special plan for their lives. Then remind yourself that God chose you to be the one to help them find it. Expect mistakes, but always ask them for your forgiveness so they know its okay to make them. And lastly, take time to enjoy each season of their lives and know that God is right behind you saying, “You got this ~ I chose you and I won’t let you fall…”
In Kenya with Jeff and Courtney (2009)
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This is deep stuff indeed, and I’m new here… but I have to say because I’m easily distracted… GOOD GOLLY you look like one of the kids in that pic! SOOOO amazingly young and gorgeous!
Aww, you are so kind Nancy! Thanks!
Hi new follower from http://craftyhousemom.blogspot.com and I would love it if you would visit!
Nice to have you Elisia! Visited your blog and followed back!
I say this all the time: God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave you that child(ren). I should know: I married for the first time at age 40, conceived naturally and gave birth at age 42 and 44 to two healthy daughters. Following from Monday Mingle. Inviting you to drop by http://inseasonmomreflections.blogspot.com/
I’m right next to you Cynthia! I had my first two children at age 19 and 21. Then I got remarried three years ago and had my littlest one at age 39. There is almost 18 years gap between my daughters, but it is wonderful because they are such great friends! Thanks for sharing and I love your blog and the encouragement you provide for first time mothers over 35!
So true each of my children are different. It challenges me everyday to stay grounded loved your post and linking up with other moms.
Thanks Eleni!
What wise words you’ve shared, Kimberly. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it’s so easy to react like the butter baby mama, but it is really important to have good perspective. I’m so thankful that so far God’s blessed me to be able to stay at home most of the time with my little girl, and I wouldn’t trade these moments for the world, even if I am exhausted at the end of many a day. Thank you for blessing other mamas today, and for linking up with Monday Mom Musings.
Even if I’m exhausted too, I wouldn’t trade the moments for anything! Thanks for stopping by and sharing with us!
What a sweet encouraging remender, God game me my kids because He know I was right for the job! By the way, what part of TN, I am here too!
opps, sorry for the typos!
Thanks so much for stopping by! We are in East Tennessee, in the Tri-Cities area. What part are you in?
I totally cried when I read this! I’m so glad I’m not the only mom to feel like this, but I need to remember: “I could have given them to anyone else on the planet…. but I chose YOU.”
Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Christine! I love your blog (www.threegentlemenandalady.blogspot.com) especially the post on potty training! Great information!
Hi there,
Thank you so much for following along with the first ever ‘Friday Chaos’. Hope you come back again next week.
I have just reached my first milestone on my blog and I’m hosting a mini give away be sure to stop by and check it out!
Look forward to seeing you again next week.
Lotte xoxo
http://www.bericebaby.blogspot.com
http://www.youtube.com/bericebaby
This was a touching post! Things have been difficult lately, and reading this post helped to remind me how to react and also gave me encouragement. Thanks!
Thanks Jillian! My prayer for this blog is that it will be “Sew Encouraging” to us all as we travel the journey of becoming the women God wants us to be. So glad you stopped by today.
That’s such a great post. I know that there are days where I spend the entire day praying to God to help me act and react to my children how He wants me to. My youngest daughter puts oatmeal in her hair almost every day when she finishes her breakfast. I have learned to reach for the camera and keep a clean rag on hand. It’s laugh or cry and I always say that if my face is going to wrinkle someday, I want smile wrinkles not frown wrinkles. Thank you for stopping by and also for writing that post. We need to remember to laugh at our jobs more.
Thanks Karina…I love what you said about the wrinkles! We’re all going to get them, but how I pray mine are from the smiles in life, rather than the frowns. What a lovely reminder!
beautifully said. Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes we get caught up “in just another mess” and don’t see through our kids’ eyes. I have four and I know I was that yelling mom with my first child. I thank God for His grace and forgiveness and I pray my eldest doesn’t need therapy!
Jennifer, I used to be a yelling mom as well. I am so thankful for God opening my eyes so I could see my children in a different light. Forgiveness is a powerful tool, and one that I believe will make all the difference in the world. Being an “A-Type” personality, I have to battle the constant desire to “clean up” rather than just enjoy the moment of creative expression. Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your story.
Hi Kimberly! Thanks for joining us on The Southern Mama Blog Hop! I’m so glad you found us and I found you! Love this post! I’d also love to put your ad on my blog during one of my “Shop here posts”!
Thanks again and hope you have a great weekend! xo
Sonja-{Running In Pearls}
Thanks for stopping by Sonja! I would love to place an ad on your blog! I’ll be in touch.
Beautiful, beautiful reminder about the importance of those early years (and all the years). It can be so hard to focus on what the incidental events are making of our children, but those moments ARE their lives and define their futures. Your post is a sweet reminder of paying attention to the important rather than the urgent. Thank you for taking the time to articulate such valuable thoughts.
Liz
Liz, you are so right….those incidental moments ARE their lives. It’s a part of who they are and what they will be. Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to share your thoughts!
Such a great post! Thank you! I have four kids with different personalities and one in particular who is being really difficult right now. I needed a reminder to focus on her spirit rather than on the difficult parts of her really precious personality. Thanks!
Hi Rebecca! If I had quads, I’m not sure I’d handle it as good as you are! I truly believe God gives doesn’t gives us more than we can handle…which I think is why He waited 17 years to give me another child!
He gave you quads because He knew you could handle them and raise them with the love and nurturing that they need. Best of luck to you and enjoy the journey!!
What a wonderful way to think about it! I suppose that when I’m laying there at night wondering if I was meant to do this difficult job, then I’m actually laying there wondering if God made a mistake… which I know he doesn’t do! Thanks so much for the encouragement, friend! I’m SO happy you linked up with the Mommy-Brain Mixer! I’m now following you via Google + and I hope to see you again on Thursday!
Thanks for stopping by and connecting with me Cassie! I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you!
Thank you for stoppin by my corner! Your post is very refreshing to me today. I’m so glad that you stopped by so I could find your corner! Blessings!
Great to connect with you Misty! Hope you’ll come back and visit again soon!
This is what I needed to read! Oh how awesome our God is that he leads me to this knowing I have been struggling and fighting with myself over this very issue! I constantly am thinking, How can I be the mother my boys need to become loving and gracious men. I can’t even count how many times I have thought that they would be off with someone else as a mother. It is amazing how God can answer these crucial self torn battles by showing us the answers through someone else’s experiences and guidance. Thank you for this inspiring post. I truly was a blessing to find your page!
Paula, I’m so glad you dropped by. I know this is an issue a lot of mothers deal with and I wanted them to know that they’re not the only ones. I am so glad God spoke to you this morning and I pray He will continually reveal to you the best way to parent your growing boys. Blessings to you and your family. Enjoy the journey!
Beautiful post, Kimberly (and beautiful family too!) Thank you for taking the time to link up with me this week! I’ve so enjoyed it!
Thanks Megan!